Backyard Conservation Manual--Edits

Backyard Conservation Program--Edits
1. Front page
1. The word "Impacts" feels somewhat awkward in the subtitle. Doesn't "impact" also imply plural?
2. Is there a reason that "And" is separated from the rest of the subtitled on the front page?
3. I would put a period or semicolon after "Support provided by Franklin Soil..." to separate it from "Funding Provided by...".
2. Page 2
1. It would be easier to read first section if paragraphs were indented.
2. Why is there a period after the subtitle "Welcome to..."? It seems unncessary.
3. You should introduce what the project is BEFORE saying who it is being implemented by and who is making it possible. The reader wants to know immediately what the purpose is.
4. The word "that" should come "conservation practices" and "they" in the second paragraph.
5. It is vague what "using native plants" is for. It might be helpful to the reader to use a few words, even, to hint at how/why to do this.
6. It should read "Reducing the amount of fertilizers...". Also, it seems like seep/drain into the "storm water runoff" is more effective than "gets into...".
7. To make the last sentence more effective, I would make it an independent sentence. For example, "The end goal of these efforts is to protect and improve water quality in the Olentangy River Watershed, the place where we live."
8. I like the use of a table of contents. However, it seems to be somewhat unbalanced. I would either indent the sub-subheadings (for instance, "rain graden"), or use different bullets for each section. It will make it look cleaner.
9. In FLOW's mission, there should be a comma between "its watershed and inhabitants."
10. And for balance, I would add the word "to" in front of "promote" and "implement" in FLOW's mission.
11. The period after "The Columbus Foundation: the Center for Charitable Giving" should be removed.
3. Page 3
1. It might be effective to add the word "specific" before "region of land" in the first paragraph.
2. The first and second sentences seem like they should form one sentence, as they are related and brief.
3. For more concise speech, I would suggest using active/present tense voice. Rather than "All rainfall within a watershed will drain...," "All rainfall within a particular watershed drains into the same body of water, be that a stream, a river, a pond, a lake, or an ocean."
4. For the next sentence, maybe: "Many watersheds drains into the Mississippi River watershed, including the Ohio River watershed and all of the small watersheds that drain into it." And then: "Regardless of where you live, you are always living in a watershed."
5. "There is a good chance" rather than "chances are good" in the second paragraph. It feels less awkward.
6. Consider renaming the third subtitle "Why we should (or should we) care about the river?". It may personalize this a bit more.
7. A comma should follow "wildlife" and before "and water" in the third paragraph.
8. Also in this paragraph, consider changing to "However, our river is suffering from the consequences/effects of urbanization as the Columbus area continues to grow, and it appears that for at least the forseeable future, the city will continue to grow." This makes the situation present and not a former phenomenon.
9. A comma should follow "residents" and precede "and other stakeholders."
10. To clarify, I would say "When the ground becomes saturated with water...".
11. There is an extra period after "into the ground" and before "Impervious areas..."
12. A comma should follow "pavement" and precede "even compacted soil."
13. Is storm water runoff three words or two? In the fourth paragraph, you use both. It helps the reader if you keep it consistent.
14. For the last sentence, I might change it to: "Eventually, the storm water runoff carrying the contaminents flows into the city's storm sewers, and without ever being treated, directly into the Olentangy River."
15. Again, the subtitle uses one word for "stormwater." One word or two?
16. Cannot is one word.
17. I would add the word "negative" in first sentence. E.g., "...but its quantity and negative effects can be minimized through storm water management techniques, including backyard conservation practices."
18. Consider changing "that reduce" to "to reduce" in second sentence of this paragraph.
19. Is water ways one word or two?
4. Page 4
1. Indenting the first paragraph of this page would help differentiate it from the subtitle.
2. A comma should be added between "pesticides" and "and fertilizers." I won't bug you anyore with this suggestion about commas. But traditionally, the rule is that a comma is used before the "and", and hence before that last thing in a series.
3. Sentence structure change: "Municipal wastewater treatment plants cannot remove these salts, which in large quantities, maybe be toxic to certain aquatic animals."
4. Add "that" after "Make sure...", and add an "and" before "out of reach from...".
5. Materials probably cannot be disposed of through "hazardous waste collections days," but "on hazardous waste collection days."
6. Would it sound better if we reversed "flooring downstream" to "downstream flooding"?
7. "An alternative to disposing of your yard waste: Recycle leaves and grass clippings in your compost pile! Or contact your local officials about their yard waste collection program.".
8. For the section of pet waste, the underlined sentence is inconsistent with the rest of the page. For the other sections, the udnerlined part is regarding a specific action that homeowners should do. For this section, that could read, "Dispose of pet waste properly."
9. A comma should be added between "Driveways" and "and Garage area."
10. Again, to remain consistent, consider using a new sentence for "with a non-toxic." It could read, "Use a non-toxic...". Also, consider this change to "Be careful not to spill gasoline," and a different sentence for the next part.
5. Page 5
1. Indenting the first paragraph of this page would help differentiate it from the subtitle.
2. A comma belongs in the second sentence of the first paragraph. It might read like so: "When it rains, the chemicals are washed into local waterways, also causing problems for aquatic wildlife and drinking water."
3. Perhaps reword first bullet to read, "Be conservative in your application of pesticides or fertilizers." As it is, the texts reads somewhat awkwardly.
4. The word "expected" is hyphenated in the shadowed box. If this can be avoided, I would highly suggest doing so.
5. Maybe restate sentence as, "Consider the following tips on how to reduce your reliance on synthetic pesticides."
6. The word "dollars" and the symbol "$" both appear int he first bullet. It's kind of redundant.
7. Do you really want people to use "more targeted pesticides?" It seems that you want this to read "more-targeted pesticides," or simply "targeted pesticides." By no means do you want people to use more pesticides.
8. The third bullet-- "Most lawn insects are not harmful, but in fact,..." needs a comma after "harmful." Also, the sentence migh be mroe concise if you combine it to read "may be beneficial by helping to attack other pests or to break down organic matter."
9. For the last sentence, prevent pests from what? It might me clearer if it read, "Prevent pest disturbances...".
10. An "and" should be added before "blood meal." (sounds yummy). Also, you should use commas and not semicolons for this sentence.
6. Page 6
1. Possibly reword the title so it fits on one line.
2. Insert the word "therefore" before "Making it harder for weeds to compete."
3. Maybe put quotation marks around "One-third rule."
4. There is a missing period in the third section of the "Mowing" section.
5. For the first sentence in the last section, make it into a bullet. It stands out as it is. And the phrase "Prevent base spots from occuring" seems redundant.
6. A period is missing in the second to last bullet on this page.
7. What is the purpose of the gray box at the top?
7. Page 7
1. The gray boxes are off-balance and distracting. Consider using a black outline to define them more. This is also true with the box of "4 Key Elements." There is simply too much going on on this page.
2. Consider restructuring the sentence to read: "There are 4 key elements necessary to produce compost."
3. You could use semicolons between the sentences in this box if you want.
4. The "O" in Oxygen is misaligned.
5. "It's" is actually "its" in this context. "It's" means "it is."
6. Do you assume that your audience knows what "Urea" is?
7. The examples of C:N ratio are out of order. Leaves should follow fruit wastes.
8. Instead of "What to LEAVE OUT," perhaps say, "Do not add...". Consider using semicolons or commas here, or even center-align the text in these gray boxes.
9. Could you put "Cold composting" on one side of the page and "Hot composting" on the other side?
10. When you say "Short on time," I am confused because you say "hot composting causes the material to decompose faster." This needs to be clarified.
11. I thought a 3' sq. box was the most efficient for composting?
8. Page 8
1. Why do you choose not to use colons on some pages after the title while using them on other pages>
2. Do you want to define impervious surfaces?
3. It should read "...is a major source of storm water runoff," rather than "for."
4. The word "the" is unnecessary in "Rather than allowing this water to wash away into (the) storm drains, overflow sewers or potentially back up out basement...". A comma should also be added before "overflow sewers".
5. The word "the" before "downspouts" is unnecessary.
6. Instead of "goes to the lawn," the word "seeps" or "absorbs" may better serve the purpose.
7. Indent paragraph after title "Rain Barrels." Also,t he second sentence of this section can be divided into two sentences.
8. At the end of this second sentence, add the word "your" before lawn. Otherwise, it doesn't sound natural.
9. A comma should come after "Rainwater may contain chemicals from the atmosphere,...".
10. Highlight that "Rain Barrels are easy to install!" After all, this is a large part of this program. It should get the attention it deserves.
11. The word "option" should follow "maintain" in the third bullet."
9. Page 9
1. A period should follow the sixth and eighth bullets.
2. For the section of water-tolerant native plants, consider making that into list format.
3. Indent paragraph on "Terracing."
4. The first sentence after "Reduce Impervious surfaces" should be bulleted.
5. There should not be a comma after "driveway."
10. Page 10
1. Should this read "Use native plants"?
2. Add "some of your" or some phrase after "can replace" in the fourth bullet of the "Benefits" sections.
3. There is a space between the word "round" and the period in the second to last bullet in the "Benefits" section.
4. Do you mean "naturally moist areas" in the "Native Woodland plants" sections?
5. A comma should follow "Many prefer acidic soils,...".
11. Page 11
1. One question people may have about trees is how long they take to grow. I would suggest providing a range in long long they take to grow large and provide the homeowner with the said benefits.
2. Indent first sentence of "Groundcovers" sections.
3. Why is the "Benefits" section misaligned int he "Groundcovers" section?
4. Find a way so that there is not only a word in a line. Reformat so the sentence takes up most or all of line.
12. Page 12
1. Does not have a page number.
2. Change the word "those" to "these" to make it more close to home.
3. Some of the colors are capitalized and some are not. It would be best to remain consistent. Also, when there are two colors, sometimes you use a comma and sometimes a backslash.
4. Consider widening the boxes to include both colors on one line. It looks uneven due to uneven heights of boxes in table.
13. Page 13
1. In the "Light" section, sometimes there is a space between the comma and the letter and sometimes not... Also, in some places a comma isn't even used. I like the use of the comma, it gets complicated in the third chart when no commas are used in the "Soil" section.
2. Why aren't soil, water, sun, or light spaces filled in for certain plant species?
3. Can you change the background color behind the tables to make them pop out more? They look very flat as is.
4. For the "Bees" and "Bats" sections, consider putting the text on a different line from the title as you do with the "Birds" section. "Burrows" should be singular.
14. Page 14
1. N/A
15. Page 15
1. The title word "References" is misaligned.
2. The colors of the hyperlink vary.
3. Why is there a section about "Fact sheets and Bulletins" in the middle of the references section? It seems like it should be separate?
4. Some hyperlinks use htp and some do not. It's best to keep this unified.
5. In the "Soil Testing Laboratories" box, the CLC Labs should probably come after Calmar Labs (alphabetical).
6. This whole page may read a little easier with the use of bullets or numbers.
7. It seems like the font size varies, yes? This isn't aesthetically pleasing.
8. In the middle of the page, the word "Wildlife" is disconnected for some reason.
9. You may want to consider rewording the "special thanks" sections. For some reason, it looks off.
16. Page 16
1. There are certain assumptions made about the language used in this document. It seems appropriate because it seems that the homeowners that you are targeting would be at least somewhat familiar with their usage.
2. I like the use of pictures, but they don't stand out from the page. Consider adding an outline, shadow, or some visual effect to define them more.
3. Although my comments may be annoying due to their detail, I know that the detail put into publications says a lot about the effort (or at least people think it does) put into it. You want to have as few reasons as possible for people to gripe/not be involved.
4. Things to be careful of: forgetting periods at the end of sentences, misplaced or missing commas, avoid using hyphens when possible, replacing periods with semicolons in lists, undefined terms, layout of pages (some of the boxes make the pages harder to read, not easier).
5. Again, this is all from my point of view. I cannot speak for other editors or readers, but I think the comments will be helpful in editing this document for its next printing.